This was another busy week for me, with more family visiting from out of town. This does take up a lot of my time, but you need to take a break and recharge your batteries every once in a while, not to mention giving yourself a chance to miss the crazy acting lifestyle 🙂 It was a long day on set Thursday, though I wasn’t in many scenes, so I had a lot of downtime and met some new friends.
Now last week I mentioned some things that were going on that I couldn’t talk about yet. Part of me would still rather not admit defeat, but although I want to keep this blog upbeat, I don’t want to lie or leave out the bad parts. I know most people reading this are family, but to those who actually want to consider a career in acting, I don’t want to make it all seem easy, and I don’t want you to feel like you’re alone when things don’t turn out as you were hoping. For instance, if you were recast, or downgraded, without anyone telling you. In addition to the trailer I posted a while ago, Tricaillin now has 2 webisodes available on the website. I am no longer “One of three” and some of my lines were redone with someone else, but I am still on the website, so we shall see what happens. But, combined with other auditions or professional relationships I have fallen for, has made me do some thinking. Not all of the following examples relate to Tricaillin, but I still felt they were worth mentioning.
Growing up, I always had a little trouble with self-confidence. I am working on it, as you know if you read the blog, but there are side effects to growing up with that kind of insecurity, no matter how many times your family told you that you were amazing and beautiful, even if you believe it. For me, a big problem is that I am often so happy when someone shows interest in me, that I don’t listen to my instincts, which are trying to point out all the warning signs. I have read so many books on acting and what to watch out for that I should never fall for sketchy promises, but I do. I can see what is wrong with the situation, but I am an expert at finding excuses.
I recently read that you should turn your wishbone into a backbone, and I couldn’t agree more. I know I am not the life of the party, or the bad girl or any other of those monikers used to describe your friends. I have always kind of thought I was the nice one. I don’t say much, but I listen, and I don’t argue. I thought being small like that would make me the sweet and kind one, but I was actually the small and weak one. Which is probably why I want so badly to be a kick@ss character in movies. It took a little bit of heartbreak, but I don’t want to be the girl who doesn’t stand up for herself, and lets everyone walk all over her. I want to be able to risk losing out on roles and opportunities if I don’t like what comes with them. I wish it hadn’t taken phone calls where I hang up with tears in my eyes, or being lied to after putting my heart and soul into a project, but at least I can say I have learned something.
This isn’t to make anyone feel bad, or to rant about my feelings getting hurt…I just want to let anyone else out there who is overwhelmed with making their dreams come true, know that you don’t have to take it. If the process seems off, if the location is sketchy, if they make you feel small, if you don’t like how they treat others…don’t do it. It can be a learning experience, and it might get you a little farther than where you started off, but you deserve better than that, we all do.
In an effort to get more tough roles, I went shooting on Friday. Our target was a cardboard box, and I have no intentions of moving up to anything living, but I did have a really good time. I want to thank my cousin and his wife, her father, and his friends who let us use their land and their guns. It is kind of scary and exhilarating, and you can’t help but feel really proud of yourself when you hit that target 🙂
The weekend was mostly spent with the family, with another birthday supper for my dad (he deserves it 🙂 ), a boat ride, playing cards, walks, and even a trip to see the Wolverine. When you go see it, stay after the credits 😉
Yesterday we went for lunch at the Old Port, before I headed to my voice session with Julia Lenardon. The first thing she did was ask questions, which may seem odd, but as a psych major, I get that my problem is much more psychological than physical. I have to work on some questions she asked, and keep doing some exercises we did.
I have some hopefully very exciting things happening tomorrow and this afternoon, but you will have to wait until Friday to hear about it, because I will be on set again Thursday 🙂
“Believe in yourself, and the rest will fall into place. Have faith in your own abilities, work hard, and there is nothing you cannot accomplish.”