This week I am back to only one class with Suzanna, with the same scene partner as last week, but a scene from Maggie’s Plan. I am really enjoying a lot of Greta Gerwig’s movies lately, so it was fun to get to play her, even if I purposely didn’t watch the movie and tried to stay away from what I would picture her doing in my head (which could be totally off). For the first time in what feels like forever, we didn’t get to run our scene together before putting it up. Normally we run lines in the back room, try to figure out the blocking…this time we just went for it, which is probably not something to keep doing, but it was refreshing and different for this one time. It also made me super nervous, which was a little more than the character called for, so it was a good thing when a line mixup had us restarting.

I noticed that I added in way too many “Okay”s that weren’t in the text, but Suzanna’s notes were to play up a funny bit at the end, and to be less nervous about telling my best friend that I want to artificially inseminate myself. He got more playful at the end, which resulted in me playfully hitting him. Or pretending to, because I don’t use violence, so I like to make the gesture as if I would hit you, so you know I want to, but stop before I actually do.

Next we did it where I was actually really excited to share the news, and I actually hit him. And apologized once they called cut, but it fit with the scene. The last two takes were my favorite, because we were really playing off each other and had some really nice moments. If I use it as my audition scene next week, I would like to try really thinking about me in that situation, rather a hypothetical me with Maggie’s back story. Something changed during one of the takes, and I was sort of aware at the time, but watching the scenes over again, I completely changed the way I said I was ready to be a mother. Because it got personal. Not that I want to do what she is deciding to do, but I just felt like it wasn’t a line to throw away, that it should mean something, because those words would mean everything to me if I was making that decision and saying them.

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Before I go, I want to say that the outpouring of love and support from my last post really means more to me than I could possibly convey. I appreciate everyone who follows along with me on this crazy journey. Sometimes I share fears and anxieties mostly so that other actors who are struggling with the same issues, or even anyone who sometimes feels like they are not enough, knows that they aren’t the only ones who feel that way. And I usually know that it is my own insecurities more than any actual reflection on my skills or abilities. Case in point, I have the awesome privilege to be a reader sometimes and every once in a while, I get to hear them deliberate over casting decisions. So many times I wish the actors could be in the room to hear the wonderful comments on their performance, because there are a multitude of factors that determine whether or not they ultimately get the part. Being too young, too old, looking too much or not enough like another character…the casting industry is so subjective, and you don’t get to hear what goes on after your audition which is why it is so important to focus on booking the room rather than a particular job. Whether or not they ever bring you back for an audition is a much better indicator of how you did than whether or not you booked the part.

 

“Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other.”

-Walter Elliot

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