Getting Back Into It

After a couple of days of MMIs and turning 28, I flew to Punta Cana with my mom and grandparents. I had planned on being much more athletic, as my suitcase could attest, stuffed with workout clothes and running shoes, but instead, I spent a week just walking the beach, relaxing and hanging out with my family.

Less than 12 hours after we landed in Montreal, I drove to Toronto for the TAWC meeting, where we found out who the recipient of the Nell Shipman Award will be. If you don’t know who Nell Shipman is (I definitely didn’t) look her up, because she was an all-around badass. She wrote, produced, directed and acted in her own movies, where she often did her own stunts.

Friday night, I went to Gyros gym for the MWF Madness gymnastics class. I was more reluctant to go to this class than any other (except parkour, because I could potentially fall and die) because I feel like I am expected to have improved from the first class, where expectations were incredibly low.

I haven’t specifically been working on any of it, except for the handstands, but a huge part of my problem has always been my fear (and lack of confidence) rather than not actually being able to do it. So, for the trampoline, knowing that I was able to do everything last time removed any fear. Learning falls in jiu-jitsu made me not afraid (but very entertaining) as I continuously fell to the floor while trying to figure out the 2 leg kick things (I did eventually get it, but made some people laugh before I got there). As far as actual gymnastics, I achieved a back roll (rather than a backwards shoulder roll) which was awesome (because I was definitely not getting it last class). And although I’m not there yet, I completely went for it with the handstands. I normally do them half-ass when I’m out in the open, because of my own fear of losing control once my balance shifts, but this time I went for it. It is still scary to tip past the point where it is easier to just fall back down, but I have more faith in myself? Allen, the teacher, was telling another student who was working on handstands that he would get the next step once he could hold his handstand against the wall for at least 30 seconds (or maybe a minute? Not sure).

“I can do that.” I told him, not mentioning that I can hold it for probably 2 minutes, because I would rather be up against the wall for longer, and have to roll out of it less times, than to have to do a dozen short bouts. So, I got the next step! They’re really baby steps, and I know that, but I would rather do it right and be confident in my skills, even if it takes longer, rather than to power through things I can’t quite do, or don’t feel comfortable with.

I am super proud of my progress, but the best part is probably that after facing my fears this class, I won’t be afraid to come back next time 🙂

On Saturday, my stunt friend was in town, so we trained. By that, I mean that he taught me the basic fighting stance and some punches for film fighting, which will be super beneficial for shadowboxing, and because that’s why I am learning to box. It’s homework that I am actually doing, because once I get these things down, I get to learn new things 🙂

That afternoon, I went to a pole class, where instead of learning a combo, we learnt how to combine spins. I didn’t know most of them to begin with, so I learnt a whole lot of new things.

On Sunday, I went to the Monkey Vault for a parkour course (all about bars), which was awesome and really entertaining. I find parkour is a lot less scary when you aren’t afraid of the bruises (which I no longer am), so I just throw myself into things (like spins or vaults, not stationary objects) and probably get more bruises than I should, but I also get to find out what I am made of. My friend was staying for the flexibility class, so I did that as well, then a few of us went out for food. All 3 of these women were so sweet and welcoming. At the end, I said I would see them at the monkey vault, but they told me that they do other things too.

“Like what?” I asked, expecting more exercise classes.

As their list of things I was now invited to went on, I realized I wasn’t just being invited to a weekly exercise group, I was invited to be their friend. Which is way better.

On Monday, I went to another pole class and learnt a cool combo, with the teacher just assuming I was awesome and knew all the spins. It turns out I didn’t know the essential spin that most people learn their first ever spin class, the fireman. At the end, she wanted to work on pole sits, but I asked if we could do inversions instead, and finally made it upside down. It still needs work, but when the teacher got on my pole to demonstrate what I was doing wrong, she realized that it was super slippery and was impressed I even managed the class, let alone hanging upside down on it. Unfortunately, the slippery pole was not the cause of my imperfect inversion, but I’ll be back with a vengeance next week.

I had work in the afternoon, and had to fix some phone issues, before going to jiu-jitsu. It was good to be back after weeks of being away. I think I missed the actual jiu-jitsu and rolling, but I definitely missed the people. I stayed after class to get some career advice from Ayisha, who has partially become my life guru.

On Tuesday, I went to the lunchtime jiu-jitsu class, where I reworked some half-guard passes, then had a really cool conversation with some of the guys, until I got a call asking me to get to set within the hour for some background work. Say what you want about background, there are very few places I would rather be than on set 😉

As for today, I got back into boxing with Chie, spending half of the class on my tippy toes to work on my footwork, then did some SP work before some more jiu-jitsu tonight.

“Feel the fear…and do it anyway. Often we think, ‘I’ll do it when I am not so afraid.’ But in reality, it works the other way round. The ‘doing it’ comes before the fear goes away. The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.”

-Susan Jeffers

I chose this quote because part of me debated whether I should share my fears and insecurities in this post. It’s what I have always done on here, but lately, I am trying to be a badass and strong and I didn’t think those two goals lined up. But that’s the whole thing about this journey I’m on; I’m not trying to convince anyone that I know everything and can do all the things. What I am trying to do is convince myself, first of all, that I am badass and strong and capable. Which doesn’t mean getting things on the first try, or even being amazing at them. It means not letting my fear or assumptions stop me from trying all these incredible things I was always afraid of doing. I think that being terrified of something and doing it anyway is the most badass you can be. And admitting that you were afraid doesn’t diminish what you accomplished. It just shows the next person who is afraid to try something that it’s normal to be afraid, but you don’t need to let it stop you. So you will keep getting my worries and fears and insecurities with every post, and I’m not sorry, or ashamed…