Moving on Up

Last night I did my third scene from Gilmore Girls, but it was the first time that I got to play Rory. I actually did a scene as Lane in my first month with Suzanna, right after having played Shoshanna from Girls. Both scenes were about how they’ve never had sex, which made me worry I might have been typecast. Now, years later, we are doing a scene where I just lost my virginity, and my mom does not like it. With reason, but I’m not ready to see that yet.

There were only 4 of us in class this week, so Tamara and I went first, after running our lines a few times. The scene is supposed to end with me going off and crying on the steps outside, but the class doesn’t have porch steps, so I was kind of hoping we would just skip that. Suzanna thought otherwise.

The first take was a bit awkward, because I was not expecting it when she called Action, and I wasn’t really feeling the emotions, I was sort of just playing them. I told Suzanna, so she had me come up with imaginary circumstances to understand what Rory was going through, and to internalize it. It had to feel like she was taking away something that I loved.

We got more into it, and weren’t so polite with the lines, then in the final take, we were cutting each other off and yelling at each other. I had finally understood that to get me where I needed to go, I just had to turn all of the fear and anger and pain into hatred for her, because she was the one who was making me realize what I just did. It was like a switch went off and I just got it.

Suzanna asked if we wanted another take, and I stayed silent, agreeing with her to end it on a high note, but I probably should have spoken up. I regret not seeing where it could have gone if I went in knowing what I had to do. And really, if someone gives you the chance to act, shouldn’t you always say yes? At least the lesson has now been learned.

As for the crying at the end, this would have been a perfect opportunity to work on it and nail it down. Instead, I failed by doing nothing, hoping it would be there on the day, or, more honestly, that we would remove it from the scene. It would have been the perfect opportunity, because it was a scene where the crying is motivated, and there’s a buildup to get me there. I was just lazy and afraid that I wouldn’t be able to do it, so I didn’t really try. Should have, would have, could have. And I would dwell on this and feel terrible, but this was only the third class of the month. There’s still the audition class next week. And now I know what I need to work on. No excuses.

“Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”

-Thomas A. Edison