Private Coaching and a Lack of Tears

Sitting at home with the remnants of our first real snowfall outside, it really is beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Which means the deadline for my resolutions is fast approaching. 

I have now completed my added resolution of reading all of the plays I had purchased in August, including Tennessee Williams’ big 3. I got into them not really knowing anything about the story. For a Streetcar Named Desire, I literally just knew that Marlon Brando was in the movie and at some point he calls out “Stella!” For Cat on a Hot Tin Roof and the Glass Menagerie, I knew nothing except the line about ‘no-neck monsters’ and that Zachary Quinto and Cherry Jones are currently in the Broadway production. Maybe I am too used to the Hollywood happy ending, but I don’t really like these plays where I don’t like any of the characters. I can see how it would be fun to play them with all of their flaws and masks, but I really enjoy leaving a theater with the knowledge that at least one of the characters I bonded with over the past couple of hours will have a happily ever after. But that’s just me, and these plays are classics, so they clearly resonate with a whole lot of people. Maybe I need to see them on stage, to live in the nuances and get their full effect…


On Thursday, Carolyne, my brother, his girlfriend and I caught the 8 pm showing of Catching Fire, before its release on Friday. I have mentioned that I recently went on a reading spree, and this past week I read the Hunger Games and Catching Fire to prepare for the movie. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but while reading the first one, I felt it was so simple compared to some of the other things I have been reading lately, but by the end of the second book, I was completely reminded why I love them so much, when I had to actively refrain myself from reading the third book, wanting to wait until after the movie. Like Divergent up until certain events in the third book, the Hunger Games is the kind of series that I would love to be able to write someday, and Katniss is the kind of strong and amazing character I have always wanted to play. It is slightly heartbreaking to know that I will never be able to be a part of the Hunger Games world, but at the same time, I am sure there will be another series that will captivate audiences and spur movies, that will come along when I am established and able to be a part of it. Who knows, maybe I will even write this series…A friend of mine participated in #NANOWRIMO, National Novel Writing Month, where you take the month of November to write a book. I have been trying for years without much success at finishing it, but perhaps a month and tips geared especially towards that goal could make it happen. I found out too late this year, but next year I will definitely try my hand at writing a book in a month 🙂

This weekend, was Disney. Not that I went to Disney World, which would have been awesome, but my grandparents have their themed Christmas suppers every year, and this year is Disney. I can’t post the pictures, because I have to keep some surprise for the second supper which will be in December, but I think every girl at some point has dreamed of being one of the Disney princesses, even if it was just wanting to dress up as them. I didn’t get to be my favorite princess, but there is still something exciting and magical about all of Disney’s heroines, who do often need to be saved by the prince’s kiss, but who are also pretty strong and talented in their own right.

I have also been spending a lot of my week working on 3 scenes and my crying. Two of the scenes were for Suzanna’s class, one of which I needed to cry for, while the third was for the open casting call I am submitting for online. I went through the scenes so many times, I found the guideposts, I stressed over what outfit to wear…It was hilarious how much effort I was putting into an audition with so little chance of leading to anything, but at least you won’t be able to say I didn’t try. I have also watched every sad video I could think of, and while some of them could bring a tear or two, none of them could bring me to tears, at least not that could be characterized as sobbing. I also tried coming up with memories for the character, or thinking of things in my own life. Sometimes, the emotion would come, but there was always something that blocked me before I could get to the tears. Suzanna has assured me I won’t have a crying scene in December, but we will get back to it in January. I think what bugs me the most is that I used to be able to do it, and it is a psychological block, not a physical restriction, that is stopping me from being able to do it now…

The private coaching session with Suzanna to tape my audition went really well. I was slightly stressing out about it, but she reminded me that this is experience, and you can’t win if you don’t try. We worked through all of my qualms about it, and then did take after take with adjustments, watching them and trying to work on what wasn’t great the next take…the hour pretty much flew by, but I have quite a lot of takes to go through this afternoon and will definitely be working with her again for any auditions I really want to get 🙂

As for the actual class with Suzanna, as I hinted at earlier, the tears did not come, but the other scene went really well. My resting face is a smile, which doesn’t work when I am supposed to be angry or upset, but the feedback from our Thelma and Louise scene was that we were really good, so I can’t wait to watch it and see myself be mean.

I have a loaded day ahead of me, with a short film screening tonight, as long as the weather holds up. I have to go and shovel now, a sad side effect of the winter wonderland outside, but I will let you know how everything goes in the next post. And if any of you have any tips or suggestions to help me with the crying, I am definitely open to hearing them 🙂

“You have to dream before your dreams can come true.”

-Abdul Kalam

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