Since when is Homework Scary?

This is perhaps an odd title, but I got homework in my acting class yesterday (at AMAW, but Sean was the one teaching) and it kind of maybe slightly terrifies me. I am fully aware that I need to become more comfortable in my own body, and less self-critical. I really thought that I was making incredible progress when I got to the point where I believed I was beautiful and worth it. Apparently, thinking I am pretty is not enough to make it as an actor, for certain roles, namely the one I am currently playing in class, I also need to think I am sexy, to be able to flirt. Since I admitted to always waiting for people to approach me, to never going out there and making the first move, Sean gave me the homework of going out and making the first move. I wish I was one of those people who has no problem going out and doing that, but it scares me. I’ve actually gotten a lot better at approaching random strangers and starting conversations (like if we’re standing in line together, I don’t go after people on the street 😉 ) but put me in a situation where that conversation has to have a flirty edge to it, and I would much rather sit quietly in my corner.

But, this week, I will have to face my fears, go out there and flirt. Or die trying.

Other than this scary homework I got, I had a really great week in classes. Zak said I had really good listening, and didn’t even stop once the second time to say I was doing anything wrong, although we discovered that I didn’t like not being in control. Of myself that is. We keep being told to do the work, to immerse ourselves in the life we are going to live, and then to go out and just live it, to trust that the work we did is there and it shows. I did that, and a few words in, I felt like I started doing horribly, while Zak thought it was a bit off at first and then it got a lot better. Apparently, the pain of revealing made me feel like I was doing bad, when actually, I just had to trust that it was there.

On Thursday, Zak was out again, so I got reunited with Robin from the ISP. We happened to be doing the same scene from Drive that we had done last time, so I got to work on everything she had told me I did wrong last time, and I did it right this time! Which is the point, really, to not make the same mistakes over and over again. I’m not too sure about the second time we did the scene, which we are reviewing tonight, but maybe it was the same issue I had the class before, about not trusting that it’s there…I will let you know!



I wonder if I would feel sexier in the corset, or more self-conscious? It does look pretty in the coloring book…


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