November is usually a pretty busy month for me on a personal level because I have preparations for my grandparents’ Christmas suppers, I now participate in Nanowrimo (where I have to write 50 000 words in a month) and I generally start panicking about all of my resolutions for the year that I am nowhere near completing. This year, I had all of those things, plus I was actually going out and doing things with people, and working at my two very awesome Thrival Jobs. Even I usually refer to them as Survival Jobs, as in the things you have to do to make money until your dream job starts paying, but I am absolutely loving being a reader, and have a newfound appreciation for McGill, which has always been awesome, but is now a little more so.
I have been meaning to write a post on Shonda Rhimes’ Year of Yes book, because I find it amazing, and it really got to work on the seeds planted when I readLean In. The whole time I was in London, I was doing all the things that scared me, but I was also in London, at a new school, with new people. And it was really baby steps. It’s a whole new ballgame trying to incorporate this into a setting where I have pre-established behaviors. Lately, I have been trying to not just do the big things that make me nervous, but to constantly be living outside of my comfort zone. For example, at McGill, I used to know the names of pretty much everyone who worked there, because I would sit there with a book and listen to all the conversations, maybe nodding or smiling, but rarely actually participating. It hit me one day that most of those people probably had no idea who I was. This was confirmed when some of them came to audition where I was their reader and they had absolutely no recollection that they had ever met me before. It’s the kind of thing that stings until I realized that I never made myself memorable. I never really contributed.
Now, I make it a point to put the book away and to start conversations. To ask questions. To introduce myself. To get to know people. Not only does this greatly reduce the amount of nerves I used to have when going up to talk to these people, but in general, most of them are pretty awesome and really nice to get to know. I have also been working on saying yes to going out or helping people with things or having coffee or…almost every offer that I would normally be too nervous to say yes to. Not to mention inviting people to do those things, so I also have the added fear of rejection. But I don’t care. Not as in I don’t care whether they say yes or no, but I am trying not to let the possibility of them saying no stop me from possibly enjoying spending time with people. (And I mean saying no as in them having no interest in hanging out with me, not saying no because they’re busy. Which is huge because it means not assuming they’re trying to let me down easy rather than legitimately have things to do)
As far as Suzanna’s class, it is wonderful, as always. Last week Bobby and I did a scene from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, where I got to play a lawyer again, but this time in a comedy. I am really enjoying comedies lately, and had a really fun time with the scene, where I got to be polite, offended, excited, uncomfortable, apologetic, grossed out…I ran the gamut of emotions with the facial expressions to boot!
This week, I worked until 7 across town, and class starts at 6:30. Normally, I would have seen this as an excuse to not go, because I would be an hour late. However, I recently decided that I wanted to be so prepared and ready for class or auditions or whatever that I would no longer see things like this as excuses, but would want to do everything in my power to get there, even if I was late. So, I drove across town and ran in, late, but I think they also started late. Jen wasn’t there again, so I cheated a bit and did her scene as my audition. Really, I think I just wanted to prove that I could get that first line out properly 😉 Which I did. At the end, Suzanna said I hit all the levels, I listened well, I was strong and authoritative where I needed to be at the end…I was proud of it.
For the cold read audition, I got a short scene where I am the police sketch artist who is shown disturbing images that need to both shock me and reignite my determination by reminding me why I do this. We did a lot of takes, but it was different and interesting to be working so hard on something non-verbal, but so crucial to the scene.
“You can’t outwit fate by trying to stand on the sidelines and place little side bets about the outcome of life. Either you wade in and risk everything to play the game, or you don’t play at all. And if you don’t play, you can’t win.”