You Gotta Have Faith…And A Few Other Things :)



Last Saturday was the big performance. Or so my stress level seems to think of the Tom Todoroff workshop. I woke up at 3 a.m. seriously convinced that I needed to start learning my lines. Luckily, when I woke up again a few hours later, I remembered that I knew the words, had worked on it on my own, at the Fight Club, and with Lara at my house the day before. Still, the pressure was on, considering the praise I got with Lisa last time.

I got there early with the intention of rehearsing some more, but instead ended up blowing balloons for Tom’s birthday party. Johnny came as an observer, so we got to talk about our agent, and his impending move to New York. The conservatory was a hot topic for pretty much everyone there, making me, like every other time I go there, really want to apply.

Again, what I love and what terrifies me about these workshops is that Tom cares about us. With all the students he has at his conservatory, in New York, in Montreal and all over, you’d think little old me wouldn’t even register on his radar. But I do. We all do. He likes to say that “Love takes time, and love makes time.” And he definitely takes the time for all of us. The terrifying part is that once you’ve gone a few times, if you haven’t worked on something he told you to, he calls you on it. And if you’re like me and figure you can just wing it for the dancing part at the end of your scene, he will tell you to raise your standards, and you will feel like on top of having failed yourself, you failed him. (As a side note, we had rehearsed that part a lot of times, it just never occurred to me that saying I would lead meant that I should actually lead. A mistake I will never make again.) Tom is a ball of energy and excitement and love. He keeps you on your toes, and my 6 pages of notes are like a map to follow in a way that you still have to figure it out, but when you get there, you’ll be ready. I think our scene went a lot better than my 3 a.m. self had feared, but I could have been a million times more specific. (The picture above was by the amazingly beautiful, hard-working and talented Luisa Muhr!)

After watching many other incredibly talented actors, we migrated downstairs for the party, where I definitely favored those who are currently at the conservatory, or will be in September. I feel like most of my reasons for not going keep disappearing, while the reasons why I should go keep increasing. I talked to Tom about it, and other than having to do some major work on my voice (finding it in particular) it might be possible.

I got home excited and kind of terrified about this new life decision, before doing my budget and realizing I would be over 50 grand in debt if I went. Still, I can’t seem to shake it…

Sunday was the seasonal meeting at the campground, where I was blindsided by my mom telling all these people that I have known since I was a child that I am leaving the company to be an actress. We introduced my replacement and it didn’t quite hit me in the moment, but once I got back into the office, I realized that this was it, no going back. June 7th will be my last day with the company I started working for 12 years ago. I don’t regret it, because I am more certain than ever that acting is where my heart is, but there is a part of me that will miss the security and the familiarity of my second home.

Monday was just another day at work, training my replacement, until I got a call from my agent. And then a facebook post. It’s for extra work, which some actors and acting books frown on, but it gave me a perma-smile. The way I see it, I will be in the presence of greatness. I will get on-set experience. I will get to meet a bunch of other Montreal actors who are also trying to make it. AND last but definitely not least, I will earn money from the entertainment industry. It’s validation that I can declare on my income tax to justify all the classes and the headshots and the trips to LA. All I know is I’m excited!

Yesterday I went to my brother’s girlfriend’s graduation party. It kind of makes me miss the life I had so carefully planned, where the steps followed logically and I knew exactly where I was going to end up. It’s a pretty big leap from becoming a doctor, as I had planned on doing when I graduated high school. But, no matter how terrifying it is, or how much I hate not knowing what is going to happen, acting is all I want to do, forever 🙂

Today I had coffee with Carolyne. We often tell each other we are on the right track and that everything will work out, but this time it actually is. We will both be working next week, we have a positive attitude, and we are going places 🙂 Pretty much the only downside I can see to working so much next week is that we won’t be able to have our weekly coffee. But, we will have a lot to talk about next time 🙂

After coffee I went to class with Suzanna. It was a very small group, but this meant we got to really work a lot on our scenes, and even talk some before, between and after. I also got home to find I have another day of work. Things are happening, this smile won’t leave my face, and I can’t wait until next week!


“Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.”

-John Lennon

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